Our Voice

While I lost myself in a beautiful spring,  you shed tears like trees shedding leaves.  Dark, deadly winter and I was nowhere near you.  Oh,it was so cold at your place,  yet you still kept on waiting for me.  Your fingers shivered yet you still caressed my photos,  your quivering heart called out to me daily,  as if every breathe of yours had my name carved on it.  Yet I took it for granted.  I came so late.  I hate everything,  I hate myself the most.  I let myself lose you, my beloved.  What's the point of my love now when you're no more here to feel it?  I feel so guilty, I'm terribly sorry.  You loved me so much,  now I'm trapped in your memory.  Your warm embrace, I used to be so happy.  What did you leave when you left me? Eternal agony.  Serves me right, that's what I'm deserving,  It's all just coming back to me.  I couldn't see your pain.  Fighting the demons,fighting ...

Would it be easier if I were dead too?  Comes this voice in my darkest of blues.  It'd be the easiest way and maybe that's why its harder to take,  'cause your God never let us off that easily.  Everything you earned,  how hard you had worked,  the whole world mourned so that night yet nobody seems to remember you now.  So insignificant are us, you and I.  So,what if I really leave? Life will still go on.  I hate myself; and they say you can't love others if you don't love yourself.  I'm devoid of emotions,  in a void of death and demons.  There's no reason for me to live,  I'm nothing but a burden.  Oh many would say no but cruel truth- Its too easy for people to let go of another.   I have seen it happen to you It'll happen to me too and that's fine, after all I'm more dead than alive.  So why don't you make your call?  Invite me and I'll be there beside you right now.  In hell, heaven or a new w...

Felt homesick while at home.  She's nothing but a broken body plus half a soul.  I've been to hell even before she could; killed myself in my heart everytime my head would kill her off.   Now, phobic to you I am, oh death.  Smiling and laughing,  hiding a heart full of eternal melancholy.  Stigma of doing too much or doing nothing,  I'm really the worst, none can compete.  I'd grow thorns in my heart each time roses bloomed in her eyes.  It bleeds and it pains,  I'm still so useless.  I could never suffice.  2:50 at night I stare at your picture until I cry. Now my face's wet, eyes dry.  A world without you,  a nightmare through and through.  Where would I go with no one for me to hold? There's no home at all,sweetheart, if it's you who's no more. Oh my chosen rational number on this number line filled with irrationals,  you're my final destination.  So please don't move on without me,  ...

I said sorry for my answer was negative,  nervous to the point I dropped the bangle on my wrist.  Clearly didn't want to hurt you,  its you who made me behave the way I did.  Drawing a nude in the paper ring you gifted me.  If not petty revenge, then what was it?  You must have seen it coming,  for I still remember that cursed drawing.  The shackles of guilt you forced upon me,  Love? It was only a farce for thee.  You told me 30 excuses but there was never a sorry.  Terrified into shuddering, left alone in that suffering.  I hate you, I hate you; for all the trauma you gave me.  Sarcastic smiles and creepy eyes,  people enjoying the drama when it was squeezing the last of my life.  That song full of trash and lies,  I remember it all, I remember it well. Called me what?  Fake feminist, an attention seeking chick Just cause I didn't catch feelings?  Your pursuit made me scared.  I said no a hu...

"I love you" you say, ignorant of how it makes my heart sway.  Your tiny little smile,  the mole beneath your eye,  everything about you is beautiful. Like a gem,you always shine.  And darling,when our hands had intertwined,  your five fingers woven in five of mine.  Even though its been months,  the warmth of your skin still lingered  in my mind. Babe,I fell for you, ever so slowly,  as winter falls in the hands of spring.  Clearly we aren't meant to be,  'fated' never written in our destinies.  Yet every night ,  I dreamt of such fantasies.  Playing a tug of war with myself,  months it took to reach an equilibrium.  However,three words from you,  I'm once again off balance.  Love let me be,  bid me goodbye, fair and square,  for I'm too much of a coward.  There's no one but you that I dare not acquire. 

What if we fell in love?  I'd love you in different languages,  in colours of red and pink,  with the melodies of our favorite music. Our hands enjoining perfectly,  made for each other, we must be.  As we dream of a forever, to always be forbidden lovers. Hidden away from society's disdain, we'd watch our shadows stretch and merge together as we'd move closer & closer,  until our breathes started to mingle. Hiding in our room with the darkness as cover,  I'd lower my head to kiss you,  my dear lover.  We'd pull and push at each other,  our tongues entangling in a war,  our bodies getting hotter with warmth. Our naive,pure first love, with the sweet smell of sunshine and a hopeful future.  Breathless, we'd giggle against each other's lips.  Your eyes filled with unknown, beautiful galaxies. Us. Clearly hidden from the world but laying everything naked, completely bare.  Just for you, only when it's you.  My s...

Unshed tears blur my eyes,  I try not to blink for none can see me like this.  Hurried, I run away,  to a lonely, faraway place.  Hidden admist the fog and mist full of black shadows cast by old, withering trees.  I sit on the dark, murky land breathing out a quivering sigh as my heart constricted in pain.  The first tear rolled down and soon followed the other and laying there as I cry,  I lament this cursed fate of mine.  After a while or maybe a lifetime my tears did subside.  Maybe they hid in the pores of my scarred skin,  maybe they evaporated in this mysterious fog that englufed me. As fragile as the dew on leaves,  I carry my heart on my sleeves.  Should've treasured the pearls my eyes shed for someone worthy; but who told me to be stupid.  And I hide as I watch the wolves howling the snakes slithering and my soul shattering.  Everything happened within a second,  for this pain I can no longer persist....

Black and blue,  a little grey too.  This nightsky above me,  the moon with it's ever enchanting beauty.  There stands one lonely soul,  reaching out towards this heavenly abode.  So far,so far.  Is it still possible to reach you?  Gloom hovers over me even as I smile at thou.  I wonder if I can be free,  look at these shackles wounded on me.  I sigh even in the last of my breathes.  Is living really so hard?  I'm so exhausted.  Why am I merely existing?  Where are the fresh flowers bathed in sunlight,happy and carefree.  Why does everything surrounding me looks so wan, nearly dead and withering.  Having laid out my worries to the moon,  I couldn't see a single flower bloom.  Did the sun at the horizon got tired too?  When will my life's sun rise?  Will I wait for it until my demise?  What would it take, to live,  a little more happily,  a little less sadly,  a li...

From the top of my tower I see your walls crumbling,  I see you falling down; back to the earth,  back to where you birthed.  The you shattered into debris painted my heart full of pain.  I felt so helpless,  I felt so weak.  I wished my life was worthy,  worthy enough to be exchanged with your life.  Without you,how will I stay alive?  Oh the harsh sun and the cold winds,  The waning moon and the darkened abyss.  I fell into this nightmare of a reality.  With you disappearing into nothing I'm no longer safely breathing.  I broke as soon as you did.  And now,I rot.  Awaiting nothing but death,  even that doesn't come easy.  The tears I desperately held back,  unwilling to accept you leaving,  they slowly slid down my ashen face.  I used a piece of you  to pierce my heart to pieces.  In this very earth may my tears water the grounds green again, may my blood paint the debris red,...

I abhor them,  these delicate hands.  A painful reminder of just how good for nothing I am.  Used to being a princess,  now I'm just someone homeless.  I wander in fruitless searches, wondering in a trance,  I stay still as always.  How long has it been?  I still can't find the right way.  Oh how useless I'm am!  What right do I have to keep on breathing?  I feel sorry,perhaps I was born aimless.  With no loss and no success,  I'm just a pile of waste.  Where's my conscience? maybe devoured by a devil,  torn into bits and pieces. A heavy heart filled with guilt,  yet it brings no change ,  for I still brew new regrets this very constant phase.  A coward like me,  only wishing for peace,  where's the pre requisite spirit of war?  No wonder I always just retreat.  I wish to tear myself apart.  Perhaps then only will I be reborn as a warrior queen.  Perhaps then,atleast,I...

This envy i never knew of,  of wanting to hold your hand,  to take you with me  and to protect you from every feind.  This feeling of regret for I didn't cherish you enough.  You've always given me so much yet I gave you nothing in return.  This feeling of terror because I have a heart full of fear.  What if you let go?  What if you aren't here anymore?  It hurts like hell.  This thought,  a nightmare in itself.  Oh mom,  please be healthy please come back to us well. 

The people who shared my childhood,  I miss all of you.  We've all grown up ,  our new paths shining through.  Even though shrouded by darkness,  we continue to move forward.  Letting go of the hands we used to hold,  reaching towards the new,  leaving the old ones.  Having a resolve tougher than a mountain that I can let go of you, find the future I've always wished to know.  It seems it's harder than I thought.  Each lesson a bitter truth but at the end of the day,did it even matter?  I don't know if I will like it,  this inconstant life would be so monotonous without you here.  The past however still binds me,  Just a few dialogues from a novel  Yet enough to remind me  that I'd miss y'all so much My heart already feels heavy.  No matter what happened between us,  thank you,  for you've given me memories so damn unforgettable .  A part of me holds a part of you,  In those dam...

Times when I had it easy, I used to smile genuinely. My heart that throbbed cheerfully, Oh! Those beautiful days gone by, now is a new life. I'm not sad, look,it's been months, I haven't even cried. But where did it go? Happiness that felt natural, Happiness that felt mine. I have to strive just for that single smile. In my life's circle, how did I end up on a tangent? Oh I really really wanna run away, to a place so far from here. The past or future, whatever becomes my destination. I t doesn't matter anyway. This present is too harsh on me. I wonder if the Gods know? They've pushed me to my limits. The heart that throbbed once, now it just bleeds. And so, drop by drop,it dries up; slow crushing pain building inside of me. Cursed as i am, I still heave a breathe. With every scar that I bled, is a new monster I bred. Oh this heart no longer belongs to me, Somebody take it away. I no longer have a soul, I just want to wish myself p...